How does a mediation process work? Know what to expect!

“I never thought the trust could be restored, but it actually happened, the trust is back, despite the same past.” – participant of a mediation

Mediation is a process of being guided through conflict by an impartial, trained third person. A mediation process consists of 5 phases:

1. Introduction: the mediator presents themselves and explains how mediation works
2. Identifying topics: the parties present their topics
3. Discussing topics: the parties present their views
4. Brainstorming solutions: the parties brainstorm solutions that cover the needs of all the parties
5. Agreement: the parties agree on solutions and the following steps

It is not unusual to go back and forth on those phases. Just imagine thinking of a solution while you are in the phase of identifying topics. The mediator will write the solution down and go back to the phase of identifying topics.

But what to expect if you participate in a mediation process? I will show you step by step what happens if you would participate in one of my mediations at the workplace but know that while not every mediator works the same way, the phases usually are very similar.

Choose a mediator

For a mediation process to take place somebody has to have the idea and contact me. Usually, this person is someone from the HR team or the leader of the parties involved. What I tell all my clients is to get a mediator all the parties are comfortable with. The relationship between mediator and participants of a mediation process is one of the most essential factors for success.

First meeting with the mediator

There are different ways to start the mediation process. The most common scenarios are:

• Individual meetings
  If I decide to start that way, I meet with all the parties involved individually and ask them about how they perceive the conflict, what topics they think we should talk about, and how they feel about participating in a mediation process.
  Advantages: Everyone involved gets the chance to talk about the situation freely and without having to be very careful about how to say what you think. It’s a good way to get stuff off your chest without the risk of hurting the other parties. It also helps with getting to know the process and me as a Mediator in a safe way.
  Disadvantages: There is a risk of somebody feeling I lost my impartiality, for example, because I talked to the other party first.
  When to schedule individual meetings: Individual meetings are a great way to go if the conflict is very stressful for the parties and/or someone is still unsure if they want to participate in the mediation process.
  
  
• Meeting of all conflict parties
  If I meet all of the parties at the same time, everybody gets to know me and I get to know everybody at the same time.
  Advantages: No risk of losing impartiality and it’s an efficient way of getting started.
  Disadvantages: No chance for the parties to reflect the conflict with the mediator without the other parties. It can take longer to give the parties the empathy needed to be able to think about solutions.
  When to meet with all conflict parties at the same time: If the conflict is based on rather business-like topics instead of relationship issues. If there is a chance of someone feeling treating unfairly when not being the first person to meet the mediator.

The principles of mediation

In the first meeting, the mediator will talk to you about the principles of mediation.

The mediation process is confidential

I, as a mediator and psychologist, am required to keep all the information attained in a mediation process confidential. I think this is one of the most important principles. I will not even let anyone know that we know each other. I will not talk to your boss/leader/HR team/… about what we talked about in the mediation meetings. What I will tell your leader and/or the HR-team is how many meetings we had, if the parties reached an agreement, and – only if all the parties agree – we often let the leader and/or HR know what the agreement contains.

The mediation process is voluntary

The participants of a mediation process can decide at any point that they no longer want to participate in the mediation process. Nobody can be forced to participate actively in the mediation process. What I do encourage leaders to do is use their power to make the conflict parties participate in the first meeting. If after the meeting they decide they don’t want mediation or they are not comfortable with me, the leader or the company will find another solution. But often employees do not want to participate in mediation only because they don’t know what to expect. Mediation is the best chance of finding win-win solutions for everyone involved. If employees refuse to participate in such a process, the company will have to make a decision. This decision often involves letting someone go. To avoid that I do advise to insist they participate in the first meeting. In 90% of the cases, employees agree to mediation once they got to know me and the process.

The mediator is impartial or better said multi-partial

Many people would say a mediator is impartial or neutral. We as mediators often prefer the term multi-partial. Why? Because neutral means “not taking anyone’s side”. What we actually do as mediators, is to take everyone’s side. As a mediator, it’s my job to support all the parties and make sure they can talk to each other eye to eye. Sometimes that means helping one party more than the other. Imagine having a mediation with your team leader. There is a hierarchical aspect that could make it more difficult for you. So I help you out a bit more to get you both on the same level.

Where I am neutral is the outcome of the mediation. I don’t care if you chose solution A or B. I will not force solutions on you, I will not suggest solutions or interfere with the content of the process. My job is to create a safe space and guide all the parties through the conflict so they can find the solution that fits them best.

Agree on the “rules” for the mediation process

I don’t really like the word rules here, but I can’t think of a better one. What we do also in the first phase of a mediation process is defining a goal (e.g. find a good solution for everyone involved) and agreeing on how to work with each other (e.g. no interrupting).

Let’s talk about the facts

To get a first view of the situation, I often ask the participants of the mediation process to tell me facts they won’t argue about. For example: How many people work on your team? Who is the leader of the team? How many employees does the company have?

Whatever seems relevant to the conflict but are objective facts.

Identifying topics

Once the introduction phase is over we start collecting topics. I usually ask the parties something like “What do you think we need to talk about to find a good solution?” Now I write down all the topics without discussing them. Topics can be, for example, communication, the process to change the product, understanding a certain company policy,…

Rank the topics

Usually, I don’t rank all the topics but just want to find out what is most important to start with. Which one would make the biggest difference in the participant’s lives if they got the chance to talk about it and maybe even find the first solutions.

Discuss the topics

Once the parties have chosen a topic we talk about it. Everyone gets to tell their point of view and we try to figure out together what needs are behind this aspect of the conflict. That may sound a bit too much psychological but let me give you an example:

Imagine two team members have a conflict because one of them shows up late to meetings. If they just discuss the strategy (be on time or not be on time) it’s going to be a never-ending story. But if they start talking about what is behind that discussion, for example, the need for freedom and the need for productivity they can start being creative finding solutions. Could they find a solution that integrates the freedom of one and the productivity of the other? For example maybe a call at least 30 minutes before would not impact the freedom of the first team member and at the same satisfy the need for productivity for the other.

Brainstorm solutions

And just like that we already started thinking about solutions. The mediation process is a very fluid one and we often find first solutions in the first meeting the conflict parties have with each other.

In this phase, we think of solutions for the topics that are a win-win situation for everyone involved.

Sometimes it can be necessary to get feedback on the solutions from the team leader or anyone else in the company before being able to agree on it.

Agreement

In the last part, the parties commit to implementing the solutions they developed together. Sometimes it can make sense to have an evaluation a few months later, just to check in if the solutions worked like hoped or if there is a change needed.

Real-life experiences of participants of a mediation process

“I often went into a session with worry and despair and came out with joy and a positive attitude.”

“For the first time, it was possible to work on solutions without blaming each other.”

“What I liked best: The flexibility with which the individual sessions were adapted to topics and emotional state.”

“I loved the structured approach!”

“Elisabeth supported us in a difficult time. Thank you for your flexibility, commitment, and support!”

“I was afraid it would be weird and difficult. Neither was true. Elisabeth is a mediator with a lot of empathy and respect for people.”

“I never thought the trust could be restored, but it actually happened, the trust is back, despite the same past.” 

Do you have any questions about the mediation process? Let me know in the comments!